By Kelly Lovejoy
He left school at the end of
sixth grade. He was 12.5. That summer he went to
When loading the car for a trip, I'd point out that that was geometry!
<g> I'd nag him that he hadn't read anything in a while. I would read
a short
story to him and ask him to draw a picture of it or of how it made
him feel. After a trip, I'd suggest that he write me a paper about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah----I know. It took a while to make it work! <bwg> I probably could
have knocked six-eight months off his deschooling if
I'd quit nagging and just TRUSTED him.
He spent 18 months doing NOTHING but sleeping, watching TV, talking on
the phone, and eating. Seriously. It was
painful to watch. BUT he needed that time to heal. It was VERY important!
Slowly, he started to do more. He started with IMing
his friends. He'd hated the computer in school, preferring to write assignments
by hand. But he got *really* fast on the
computer and knew more about its capabilities than my husband or me in
just a few short months.
I have another son, eight years younger. We'd go somewhere almost
every day----the park, the zoo, the beach, the library, a
restaurant----*somewhere*. I'd ask each day whether Cameron would like to
join us: his answer was always, "No."
Then.....one day, I asked and he said, "Yes!" It was all I could do
not to jump up and do the happy dance----but I did one inside! <g>
Then he started to join us more and more----and we started to do things
HE wanted to do. He started drawing again, so I bought him some really
nice papers and charcoals.
He and his friends started skateboarding, so we got him a skateboard
and sent him to
He also asked for drums (who knows why!?), so he got drums one Christmas. He's really gotten into music. He's
playing with three bands---all different styles.
He's had a few lessons, but does it mostly on his own; only going to Danny
when he's struggling with something. He got a high-tech metronome for Christmas
this year. (My dad thought that was SOOOO funny---that a child would *ask*
for a metronome! <g>) He plays three-four hours/day---sometimes
more. Luckily, the drums are in our DEtached
garage! <g>
He's traveled to
He has three jobs: delivering a weekly paper to businesses,pet/house-sitting, and catering. He has his
volunteer gig at the theatre. He has the
film-making that keeps him thinking and the drumming that has him
finding/playing gigs at different bars every now and then.
He's so busy now ----like he's making up for those lost months.
He thought he was stupid and was going nowhere without a diploma.
That's what he heard from his friends. NOW his friends think his life is
pretty sweet. So does he! <g> He has three
friends from school that he still hangs with. His
girlfriend, who is also in school. But most of his friends are in their 20's, with one in his 30's and 2-3 in their 40's!
<g>
He's into Buddhism and is a vegetarian (mostly <g>). He has a lot of questions and is not afraid to ask them. He LIKES his
parents! <g> How novel! <BWG>
I just looked up at the subject. It says "pros-cons question for
Kelly." Cons: He still doesn't care to read much. He prefers
non-fiction anyway---always has. Fiction he prefers through movies. Well,
documentaries too! He just prefers his information
that way. But he reads just fine.
He has his own back accounts and has been overdrawn once in three years. I
doubt that'll happen again soon! <g>
He sat in on a college class last spring and was appalled at how little the
students wanted to be there. He liked the subject and participated in
the class, but I doubt he'll go to college. Some may see that as a con. I
see it as well-thought out at this time. But he knows he could do
the work.
He's good to his girlfriend and sweet to the animals. He's gentle
and patient with his little brother. He's a loyal friend, but seems to
stay away from the trouble some of them seem to wallow in.
He seems more and more comfortable in his skin every day. Happy
with who he is and what he's doing. THAT is the best part!
That deschooling thing is hard----it's really, really
hard. He needs to know you're there. He needs to know you care. But he needs to
be left to heal. I don't mean just left alone. There's this incredibly
fine line between leaving him alone and letting him alone. I don't know how to
explain it. But you'll know it AFTER you're through it! <G> Go figure!
Riding in the car was a great place for us to talk---that's why we went to the
beach so much that first year!
Quit nagging. Offer cool things to do and good movies to watch. Eat out
a lot. Be his partner. Work together. Let him know that you're willing to
let him heal from that school damage.
It gets better! It gets GREAT!